So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
