he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
