5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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