I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
