So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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