dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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