it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You made out with two different species that night
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
