Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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