At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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