remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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