8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
