Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
