she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
