I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
nut hugger
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
