I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
