I'm eating all of the evidence.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
