He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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