Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
