you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
