I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
