I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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