Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
