my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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