man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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