walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
