Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
