There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
