I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
