They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
