she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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