There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
