we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
