so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
