Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
