The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
