Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
