well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
