I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
