She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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