The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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