why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She even gives head with a lisp.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
