I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
