My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
