Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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