maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
