Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
