The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
