girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
