Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
