it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
