You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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