You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
